Another Way of Saying Came Up Over and Over Again

How to Reply When Someone Asks the Same Question Over and Over Once again

Valerie Feurich
March 23, 2019

When a person who is living with dementia repeats the same question over and over once more, it is normal for care partners to struggle to remain calm and non get frustrated. Being asked the aforementioned thing repeatedly can and will exist unnerving for virtually. To help you understand why a person living with dementia (PLwD) might exist doing this and how you tin assistance, nosotros've assembled a few tips for y'all below that we utilize here at Positive Arroyo to Care:

The starting time thing to keep in mind is that when someone living with dementia asks the same question over and over over again, you don't want to give the same answer back over and once more. While you might hope they'll empathize and keep the information when you repeat the same thing for the third or fifth fourth dimension, you have to realize that giving them the identical response volition not help them remember what you said.

Always consider that if a PLwD is request the same question, there probably is a reason for information technology. Either they didn't understand what you said, or there is something else going on in their brain that's making them want to enquire once more. If y'all want to avoid tiring out quickly, then yous will have to find a way to shift the conversation.

In a normal brain, we can respond in a socially svelte manner when someone asks us something that we miss or don't sympathize. With some power, nosotros're likely to say something like: I'm so deplorable, alibi me, but I didn't quite go what you said. Would yous heed repeating that? But when a person is living with dementia, they might struggle asking that same matter.

Another reason a person living with dementia may be repeating details dorsum, is that their brain is having problem property onto it. So in an try to get the information to stick, they might be request the same question in a unlike way, or they might exist really repeating the information dorsum to themselves in hopes they'll exist able to comprehend and hold on to it.

1 strategy that can shift this is that subsequently y'all say something, stop for a moment, and brand sure to mind to the PLwD speaking. This way, when you're having a chat, the person on the other end has the opportunity to repeat what yous said, and then add a question mark at the cease to make certain you're both on the same page. As an instance, the chat could expect something like this:

PLwD: What time are we going to the doctor?
Care Partner:Yous're wanting to know what time we're going to the physician? (Pause)
PLwD: Yeah
Care Partner:We are going to the doctor at 3pm

Also realize that if the PLwD were to enquire What time are nosotros getting together for that thing next week?, they might actually be trying to effigy out what that thing is.

Asking for the time instead of what the thing is nigh, is probable less embarrassing to them, but isn't the information they were actually seeking. That is why it is so important for usa to change how we go about helping, equally they're struggling to get data in their encephalon. And they're trying, and they tin say something, but yous have to remember that just considering they repeat it, that doesn't mean they take it cemented where it belongs.

As a care partner, it can be very challenging to adapt your automated responses and way of communicating, which y'all've been using your whole life. To do this and practice information technology well, nosotros actually take to larn a whole new behavior of our own in response to their new behavior. And guess who has to rehearse this a lot to get it right? Guess who has to practice it over and over? We do, because the PLwD is already doing the all-time they tin can.

And if you take the fourth dimension to practice and acquire these new skills, you'll be able to truly help your PLwD understand what you're saying, and reduce your own stress in the procedure. To help you lot do that, click here to join united states for the LIVE webinar with Teepa Snowfall on this very topic on March 27, 2019!

16 thoughts on "How to Respond When Someone Asks the Aforementioned Question Over and Over Once again"

Donna

Thank you for offering these free webinars! I'thousand finding them very helpful as my 85 twelvemonth old mother is living with mild dementia.
Donna

I'm finding the webinars very helpful equally my 85 twelvemonth sometime mother is living with mild dementia.
Donna

wonderful!
1. C brown
  
  Thanks! I deal with this everyday all mean solar day. Having a dementia intendance mother, fifty become a lots of exercise. I accept learned to respond and switch the topic. It appears that the alter helps shine things out.
Genee

For my Grandma, repeated questions told me what she was focused on our worried nigh. She would often ask the same questions about the kids or other family members so I knew she was thinking most them… I would then get pictures from my phone of them or find another mode to give more details. This nearly e'er resulted in her relaxing and the two of us having a very positive interaction.
CJ

Ok, I get this for relevant questions just what near questions that are from events or people in the past? i.east… I'm so worried about your dad, why hasn't he come back from line-fishing, why hasn't he called. Which comes even tho her married man died afew years agone. How exercise nosotros answer those blazon of questions?
1. Carolyn Lukert
  
  Hello CJ- it is not unusual for a person living with dementia to ask a question referring to person who has died, but thinking most them as though they are however living. A chip more challenging to answer.
  
  While no 1 reply works for anybody, one style to answer might await similar this:
  
  PLwD: I'm worried about your dad – why hasn't he come up back from angling?
  Care Partner: Ahhh, so you're worried about Dad, are yous?
  PLwD: Well, yep. That's what I said. He has been gone for a long time.
  Care Partner: He has been gone for long time, hasn't he? Well you know Dad, he does that sometimes. He knows what he is doing though. And y'all know what they say, "a watched pot never boils." Allow's become do something (pick something she likes to do), and I'll make a few phone calls if demand be.
  
  Ideally, you then go to a different identify/room and shift to an action she enjoys. The rationale for this response – sometimes, reminding a person that her loved one is dead might be like she is hearing it for the first fourth dimension, thus creating extreme distress. If that is the case, a response like to the above may work. Shifting to a new location may remove a visual cue that could have triggered the thought, and involving her in an activity she likes may meet an emotional need that could also be a contributing factor.
  
  I hope this helps!
Cathy

Excellent advice. My challenge is figuring out what she means because the words are not there. I can usually "read" the clues. Either what she means sounds similar the word she says or it relates to the word in a shared memory.
We just enjoyed a snappy sliced bettygrable (apple)
Carol Mc

When Dad asks the same question over and over again, we write the answer on a card. Visual prompts and cues seem to assist him right at present. Instead of asking us the same question over and again, at present he keeps reading the card we gave him. It seems to help lesson his anxiety and frustration. Eventually he moves onto something else. Whatever works….
Carolyn Herbert

I also call up a question might be repeated is that the memory is so brusque that the person honestly does not remember asking the 1st or 10th fourth dimension. My style of responding is to answer differently for a few times, but so as I reply for one of those times, go some physical activeness going, similar, "let'due south go get some tea and a cookie while we talk about this". distraction is a helpful fashion for me to avert getting my tone of voice go negative or irritated as I answer Over again!
vicky

I don't know how to answer to false accusations, and paranoia. Information technology is escalating and is focused directly and at me and my husband, the one'southward who take intendance of her
RP

My wife keeps asking when her husband is coming back. He has never been gone this long before. PS: I am her husband but in her heed I'm simply the nice guy taking care of her. How should I answer?
1. Carolyn Lukert
  
  Hi RP,
  And so your married woman doesn't recognize you as her husband, and is asking you for him. Hmmm – another tricky variation to this theme of asking the same question over and over. I am wondering – does she ever recognize y'all every bit her husband, or does this fluctuate from time to time?
  
  Either fashion, hither is one strategy:
  
  PLwD: When is my married man coming back?
  Husband: So you are wondering about you hubby, and when he is coming back?
  PLwD: Yes – do you know?
  Husband: That's a good question. You lot know, I don't know. But, while we're waiting, let'due south become do {something – make full in something she likes to practice}, or, I could use your assistance with something …
  
  If this is episodic, she may recognize you afterwards on in the day, or you might walk out of the room, modify something like your shirt, and approach her like you just came in from being out.
  
  If it is not episodic – significant she always thinks yous are the nice guy who is taking intendance of her, but you aren't her husband – continuing to be that nice guy and engaging with her in things that she enjoys – may be the thing that works.
  
  Does this aid?
lity

I got a lot of useful tips near same page from this article. Thanks very much!
I accept some other article about same page. Peradventure you will exist interested in it^_^
Parenting Styles – Overcoming Your Differences – WiserParenting
1. Sure! Feel free to post your link here and so others can meet too.
helpful

Ane person just told them their son went to French republic to work on a chore and were happy with the answer. He had passed away a few years before.